“I started my friend on a run today,” my 12-year-old told me as we made our way past the deli section at our neighborhood grocery store.
“A run?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
“With a girl he likes,” he replied.
“I don’t get it,” I said.
He looked at me, eyebrows raised, a knowing smile playing across his face, “You know, running to first base, second base, third base…”
I was frozen to the spot and not because I was in the ice cream aisle.
And I’m his mom!! Who says that to his mom??!
There is no way he understands what he just said, I thought. No way that my baby would be so intentionally crude in the frozen food section of the local grocery store.
“Do you know what that means?” I asked him as I reached for the ice cream (I couldn’t look at him and besides, I was going to need a lot of chocolate if his answer was yes).
“Of course,” he said.
“Where did you hear that?” I asked. I’m going to ground his older brother for life!!
“TV,” he responded casually, not at all aware of the visions his comments were forcing me to have.
What kind of TV is my husband letting him watch??!
I turned to face him.
“Do you know what all the bases stand for?’ I asked.
“Whadda ya mean, stand for?” he asked warily.
“Sex,” I spat, probably a little louder than I intended because at least three people turned in my direction and glared at me.
“Sex?” my son repeated. Now more people were staring. “No, no,” he stammered. “It’s not sex. It means dating. It’s a homerun when the girl will go out with you.”
“No, it’s about sex,” I said matter-of-factly.
“Stop!” he yelled, covering his ears. “No, no, no. Stop talking about it!”
He raced ahead of me to the check out line.
Whew! I thought. My kid isn’t a clueless little creep after all.
Despite the embarrassing stares from the toddler-toting set picking up their last-minute dinner supplies I felt pretty good about our little chat. And then it hit me…I just gave him something to think about! He was probably going to ask me what the bases were!
I put down the chocolate bar and headed for the wine department. This would definitely require something a bit stronger.